Sometimes a book is born from a creative need, from a story caught in a
head, a fantasy world that needs to be released. Sometimes a book comes
from facts to be taught or a point to be made. And sometimes, every
once in a while, a book is born from bravery. These are books
that exemplify the power of words, of the sharing of an experience to
both release and capture. These are the books that hug our hearts,
embrace our souls and make us human. Stranger in my Skin is such a book.
Stranger in my Skin weaves it way through the life of a young woman.
Back and forth through time and place Alysa Philips shares the story
of her battle for survival. As the child of a Mormon family with
a strict, harsh father and yielding mother she grew up in an
environment she describes in terms that seem both commonplace and
extreme. Her father counts the food his family eats and the gas they
use with no exceptions. Her mother accepts this and adds her own
brand of rigidity. It is from this background that she meets Joel, the
man who will come to haunt her every minute for, what seems like now,
forever. Joel is the son of a self identified doctor- a man who
believes God has shared only with him the secrets to cure all disease.
He uses his sons to help sell this idea of lymphnogenesis (not the real
name)
. His fervor forms the cult that entraps Alysa into a
life of starvation, violence and rigidity.
Joel convinces her that she is ugly, unacceptable and unwanted.
He and
his cult family control every move of Alysa Her mother refuses to speak
to her, "Instead, she emailed me or copied inspirational thoughts and
scriptures onto pink cards, decorated them with stickers and left them
in my shoes, under my pillow, or in my backpack. Her small notes added
pounds to my backpack after I found them, but I never had the courage
to throw them away." Alysa is alone to cope with the overwhelming
stress of trying to measure up to the impossible as judged by
the immovable. Her mother, doctors and teachers all ignore the
obvious results of this strain, the bruises and cuts. With more
strength than she ever gives herself credit for in this memoir, Alysa
is able to leave Joel. Even though he continues to contact her and
tries
to see her, she is able to stay away. She begins a
series of moves as she looks for a place that will be the answer to her
search for relief, small town Arizona to Alaska and back. But the
pain follows at every step in her journey; it can not be left behind.
This pain and fear in her life oozes out in the blood of her body as
she self-injures. She explains she has "cut, burned, gouged and
otherwise mutilated more than
two hundred times." This is a powerful look at the world that
engulfs her in confusion and panic. As she attempts to find out how to
cope in a world seems to ignore her drowning, self mutilation becomes
her tool for survival. In graphic descriptions Alysa Phillips has the
courage to share her struggle though the fog and terror.
The poignant chapter, Afterword, gives a glimpse into the
present, the world that still engulfs Alysa today as she tries to
organize the past. The realization that she lived in the same cult with
the nomadic pair David and
Elidah- who becomes the infamous pair that kidnapped and held Elizabeth
Smart- is a hard fact for the reader . It is interesting that Alysa
does not use any of the true names of the cult or cult members to avoid
a potential legal issue, which is telling in itself. The world protects
the abusers but at what price to their victims, both past and future.
This book is a triumphant gift that shares its questions and fears with
us. It will find its way to those who will see themselves in its pages,
those that will find solace through familiarity. Self-mutilation,
self-injury is no longer a hidden secret, Alysa Phillips has brought it
from darkness to the front and center of society's consciousness.
And in the glaring daylight it can be faced.
