Holy
Sex!
Gregory K.
Popcak, PH.D.
Reviewed by Jaimie Bell
What does the Catholic Church really teach about sex? With
humor, wisdom, and scores of real life examples, Dr. Popcak tells some
surprising truths that debunk many myths that have surrounded this
issue for
years.
First he takes two popular views many Catholics hold. One is
that the physical body is unimportant and has no bearing on either the
dignity
of a human person or their spirituality and therefore may be
disregarded. The
other is what he calls Aunt McGillicuddy’s Antique Urn School of
Sexuality.
“It grudgingly admits that sex is beautiful – in a
grotesque, overdone, gothic sort of way – but above all sex is holy and
therefore, a little like Aunt McGillicuddy’s antique urn, must be
approached
delicately, cautiously, and (ideally) infrequently. That is, we must
only touch
it if we have to dust it, and then, only once a month or so.”
Because veering into puritanical sex is simply a reaction to
the eroticism that degrades and uses others, Dr Popcak shows us the
third
option called Holy Sex which is meant to be passionate and sensual
encounters
between two lovers committed to a relationship that is faithful and
forever. He then contrasts Holy Sex and
Eroticism in various and incredibly insightful ways.
A good example of this is selfishness verses selflessness.
He reminds us that love is always the point of lovemaking; it is not a
conquest
or something taken for granted. We must always work for the good of the
other
person and not put our own needs higher than the other. Cultivating joy
and
acknowledging the goodness of our bodies and what it means to be a
fully
functioning Christian man or woman is also emphasized. He discusses
cases where
some people are repulsed by sex or being touched at all and encourages
them in
a loving way to seek counseling.
Dr. Popcak illustrates the development of what he calls the
Infallible Lover, who loves with every aspect of their being; our
physical,
mental, relational, moral, and physical selves. He uses several real
life
examples of all the stages but my favorite is about the woman who gave
birth to
five children, each by cesarean section. Very self-conscious and
ashamed of her
scars she finally confesses to her husband how uncomfortable she is
during
lovemaking. He answered with unmistakable sincerity, “You
are so
beautiful. Each one of those marks is a gift given to me, by a woman
who loves
me enough to bear my children.”
Later on family planning and contraception are discussed at
great length and are sure to start discussions at home as to what is
best for
each couple. Natural Family Planning (NFP) is encouraged and additional
websites and book titles are provided for those who want further
information.
I admit to being perplexed by Dr. Popcak’s insistence of the
One Rule during lovemaking that I won’t explain here but personally
never heard
of despite being Catholic a good many years. It certainly shed some
light on
the reluctance to try NFP. He describes
the violation of One Rule as “objectively immoral and personally
demeaning”
which are pretty strong words considering they condemn what thousands
of
committed, church-going Catholics and I presume many other Christians
would
consider pretty normal stuff. Since it is presented as such a
well-known grave
misdeed I decided to ask a few fellow Catholics if they knew about the
One Rule
and so far no one has heard of it. But it is a great conversation
starter!
In no way however did it ruin my enjoyment of Holy Sex!
or detract from any of the valuable insights therein. Dr. Popcak does
not shy
away from taking stands on issues of morality and purity and with great
compassion discusses heartbreaking problems that permeate society to
ultimately
damage and taint the happiness of so many married couples. The first
half of
this book is especially outstanding and I recommend Holy Sex!
wholeheartedly. Because sex is so intensely personal it would be
difficult, if
not impossible to read a book that totally agrees with someone’s
worldview and I
for one believe that is for the good. New ideas and differences of
opinion can
start a dialogue between couples leading to greater communication,
which
hopefully brings us to a deeper understanding each other’s needs and a
stronger
bond of intimacy.